hello mini - mama's first tears

hello mini,

you were born on a tuesday and on the thursday we went home together. before we got discharged from hospital, the paediatrician told us you have been pee-ing and poo-ing all very well and therefore ready to go home.

then for 10 hours after you got home, you didn't show us a single wet diaper - 10HOURS! we started to get very worried. no pee or no poo, yet you have had all those milk! i started to call the hospital, the paediatrician, our baby helper .... all agreed that it's abnormal but we should give you another half day til we take you to the doctor. HALF DAY? would everything be stuck in your little tummy and make you suffocate? would there be some other things that went wrong? would all be too late by a half day later?

these thoughts keep swirling in my mind. after 20+ hours there still wasn't a wet diaper. i dropped on the sofa, looked out the window, and tears came pouring out of my eyes. my first tears for you, my darling boy.

the whole house fell into dead silence. everyone was scared. i could see that they were all afraid i was suffering from post-natal depression and would jump out of the window anytime. i hate that i was making everyone worried for me, but i just couldn't control those tears. then the whole house decided they would put me to sleep to lessen my worry. ok, i thought i needed some time by myself.

when i was wiping my face in the toilet, i suddenly heard a loud call from auntie: "FINALLY HE DID IT". i rushed out to the baby at once. as the baby was laid on the change table, all of us eagerly waited for the diaper to be undone. 5-4-3-2-1. that greenish yellowish baby waste that made all our eyes glowed. this first shit that we have waited for 24 hours! your dad and i hugged in great relief. how we never imagined shit could make us so thrilled!

since then you have been wetting diapers non-stop. and you drag on forever while you are being breast-fed. and you can be quite a crying potato too, especially timed to interrupt our dinner. but none of these annoys me at all. it's all part of the journey. it's all part of the memory.

lots of love,

mama ak

hello mini - you are finally here!

hello mini,

you finally arrived, right on your expected due date, but in the most unexpected manner! i still remember how the doctor told us you have been so comfortable inside me that you will probably stay in for a few more days, as there was not a sign of you being ready just one day before you were born. did you hear my call? that night, i kept thinking i want you to stay a taurus, and not a gemini boy. i know it's silly. but it's that click between 2 people, right?

i actually think we have clicked since we first bonded. we have put together such a smooth and enjoyable 40-week pregnancy, as i cannot remember a day when i felt sick. some tiredness maybe, but i know it's because you want some quiet time with me. and the labour and delivery too, you basically gave mommy a cruise! we did it, the both of us.

the first sight of the real you, i laughed. yes, i know people usually cry, but i laughed, just like the first time i saw you on the ultrasound screen. it felt all too crazy. if that ultrasound moment was when 2 people first feel the lover's heartbeat, then your birth moment felt a lot like the last scene in 'when harry met sally', when 2 long-lost-friend-lovers can finally meet and get together! yes mini my darling boy, i just found that i am obsessed with you, and i cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you!

it's one of mama's favourite movies. will you watch it with me soon?

lots of love,

mama ak

final week ... or is it?

today marks the 40th week in my pregnancy. technically it's the final week ... or is it?

mixed feelings really. on one hand, as one of the pregnancy books says, i feel like i have been pregnant forever and wish i can get it over and done with soonest possible.

on the other, i really don't know whether i m ready to handle all the changes that are gonna come. like if i will ever be able to feel the kind of peace and quiet i am enjoying right now, sitting by the window typing my thoughts away.

nothing compares to this waiting, it is quite a test. everything else in life seems to be more scheduled. like when a tv program runs, when you get your exam results, when your paycheck arrives ... even things like when you fall in love is more predictable than this.

meanwhile, we can only keep ourselves entertained. here's how your dad decide to practice holding you in comfort. see you soon honey boy!

photos by bobby & ruby

i love photos. they are magic. they capture that specific moment. and you can add your own spice in everytime you review them. to me, photos are way more sexy than video recording.

these pics were taken on a sunny afternoon in our home. photos by bobby, using his antique grandpa camera. and art direction courtesy of ruby.

it's not just the pics. we spent some fun 2 hours together.

thank you for capturing this special moment for us.