you were born on a tuesday and on the thursday we went home together. before we got discharged from hospital, the paediatrician told us you have been pee-ing and poo-ing all very well and therefore ready to go home.
then for 10 hours after you got home, you didn't show us a single wet diaper - 10HOURS! we started to get very worried. no pee or no poo, yet you have had all those milk! i started to call the hospital, the paediatrician, our baby helper .... all agreed that it's abnormal but we should give you another half day til we take you to the doctor. HALF DAY? would everything be stuck in your little tummy and make you suffocate? would there be some other things that went wrong? would all be too late by a half day later?
these thoughts keep swirling in my mind. after 20+ hours there still wasn't a wet diaper. i dropped on the sofa, looked out the window, and tears came pouring out of my eyes. my first tears for you, my darling boy.
the whole house fell into dead silence. everyone was scared. i could see that they were all afraid i was suffering from post-natal depression and would jump out of the window anytime. i hate that i was making everyone worried for me, but i just couldn't control those tears. then the whole house decided they would put me to sleep to lessen my worry. ok, i thought i needed some time by myself.
when i was wiping my face in the toilet, i suddenly heard a loud call from auntie: "FINALLY HE DID IT". i rushed out to the baby at once. as the baby was laid on the change table, all of us eagerly waited for the diaper to be undone. 5-4-3-2-1. that greenish yellowish baby waste that made all our eyes glowed. this first shit that we have waited for 24 hours! your dad and i hugged in great relief. how we never imagined shit could make us so thrilled!
since then you have been wetting diapers non-stop. and you drag on forever while you are being breast-fed. and you can be quite a crying potato too, especially timed to interrupt our dinner. but none of these annoys me at all. it's all part of the journey. it's all part of the memory.
lots of love,