you have just turned 2 months, and you have learnt to recognize our voices and smile at us. yes, there's a big team of care-takers behind you, and your mama plays only one part in it. there's mama, papa, grandma, grandpa and auntie. all of us love you very much, and we often fight over who to hold you, feed you or put you to sleep. and very often, i lose. or should i say, i feel like i should let others have their turn. your grandparents come all the way to see you, so they should have their share of time with you. auntie will be taking care of you after i go back to work, so it's necessary for her to establish some sort of closeness with you ...
it's a constant battle i have to fight with myself. on one hand, i feel so blessed that you are loved by so many. but at times, i must admit that i feel jealous. it seems like you are smiling more at auntie. and you better enjoy being held by your grandma. that leaves me to being your secretary, only to take care of your administrative matters, like your photo album, your wardrobe, your pee & poo counts, your vaccines, your insurance ... etc.
when this thought creeps into my head, i will tell myself that this is part of motherhood. my love for you isn't measured by how much time i get to hold you physically. i will be doing a lot for you and i cannot count on returns ....
mama will have to go back to work very soon. and the thought of having to leave you to others puts me into tears. so i have set up our little private hour - you wake up sharply upon sunrise everyday, and that's when we get to be by ourselves, no fight over from anyone else. i clean you, i feed you, i play with you and i put you back to sleep. an hour is never enough, so let's make the most out of it :)
lots of love,
mama ak
