Friday, August 6, 2010

hello mini - to hold or not to hold

hello mini,

the past few weeks was quite a challenge to mama. first your papa got sick, fever high as 38.9C for quite a few days. and so much i tried to bar him from going close you, i couldn't allow myself to be so harsh, and finally the virus got to you. your nose was very runny and blocked, and you were coughing and sneezing non-stop. you couldn't sleep, and sometimes your whole body just go shaking as if something just scared the hell out of you. when we had to give you medication, you would swing away with full force and cry your lungs out. it was all very heart-breaking ....

what is a mother suppose to do in this situation?

of course we have tried everything in the books. but what else? what else can a mother do in this situation?

i decided to go back to the very basic. i held you in my arms for the whole night. though you were still waking up every 10 minutes and none of the symptoms seemed to have gone better with my hug, it just felt like the right thing to do.

then i suddenly recall - when we first brought you home, we were told that we should decide how much we wanna hold our baby, 'cos too much holding would mean spoiling you .... then whenever i was holding you, i would be thinking if it was too much holding, and does it mean i m ruining your life, because you will lose the ability to be an independent person????

mini, as you grow older, there will be things in life that you just oughta deal with on your own, like getting sick and getting healed. all mama can do is to be there for you when you need me. i don't know if i can give you sound advice, or offer any practical help. but i assure you my hugs will be unlimited.

lots of love,
mama ak